Allons-y, encore une fois: the return to France

Regardless of the fact that I practically neglected to write all summer, I feel that my most recent time in the States has impacted me as my past 8 months in France. I dealt with the most intense and confusing homesickness that I have ever experienced, and it taught me a great deal about myself--specifically my expectations of myself and of those I love. I owe everyone at home a round of applause for handling my emotional confusion with such grace and perseverance, and for teaching me the art of patience and unconditional love.

I feel like I am living in a perpetual state of bizarre consciousness between my two worlds.  It is as though time stops while I am away from either one; people's lives move forward--people get married, go back to school, get new jobs--but my life stays frozen in time, waiting for me to return and pick up where I left off. Eventually, --sooner rather than later, I feel-- this cycle will end and I will be left both reeling and ready for something new and different.  In the meantime, I look forward to changing my life, once more, with new opportunities, adventures, and discoveries.

This school year, I will be working once again with french students between the 2e and BTS levels, this time at Lycée Rouvière in Toulon, France.  Upon receiving word that I had been accepted for renewal, I immediately knew that there would be compromise this time around. I would be closer to the Mediterranean Sea and closer to transportation, but farther from the peace and quiet that I had come to know and love in Lorgues. Life would be more expensive, being as I would now be closer to means of travel, a social scene, and "civilization" as one frenchman put it. My previous experience with Toulon was during last year's training, during which I remember thanking my lucky stars that I was stationed in such a paradise as Lorgues.  It was with this mental image that I embarked on my newest adventure. The adjustment was not what I was expecting. Logically speaking, I knew my new life would take some getting used to, but I was surprised by my immediate homesickness for autumn in Chicago, my local grocery store's specialties, and the comforts of my daily routine. I had been pining for France for months; what had happened? I partially blame the chaotic chain of events involving my papers and visa.  In actuality, I was preparing for the worst, had come to accept it as the definite future, and when destiny decided to kick in, I wasn't ready.

Having now had a few days to take in french culture once more, and a good 24 hours to adjust to Toulon, I can feel my blood pressure dropping and my stomach settling. I am currently living in a studio apartment in a dormitory-style building for local students. This living situation itself is an interesting addition to this experience.  I was less worried about the size of the room and the 4 flights of stairs, and more about the noise factor, but to my surprise, the building is more or less silent. I do not know how many of the units are actually occupied at this moment, but I seldom hear any semblance of inhabitation. I was hoping that this Résidence des Etudiants would mean instant friends and a good social network. I completely forgot how intense the french education system can be, thus how studious the students are at the university level. It is, of course, only day 2 in Toulon, so only time will tell all that can come of this new chapter.