The path is made by walking

I cannot express it--somehow, I do not feel nervous. I am on my way to the single longest journey I have ever taken, and it is one to a foreign country across an ocean and a 10 hour flight from home. A 7 hour time difference separates me from family, friends, and pretty much everyone I know. Perhaps my lack of anxiety is due to the fact that I have lived the life of a roamer for the last year and a half. Perhaps it is because I know the language of the locals. I would like to believe that this strange sense of tranquility comes from an unshaken desire for self-discovery. I feel numb perhaps simply because I do not know what to feel...because I have misplaced my sense of self. I feel as though I have been going through the motions, always on edge, always preparing for the other shoe to drop. I have grown immune to anxiety in a sense (not that I do not have my occasional freak-outs). For the first time in my life, I am eager to journey on my own, not for the sake of running away from commitment, but rather to define myself, to know myself more fully so that I may better serve my commitments. I feel that this is either a dangerous statement, or a mature one (can it be both?). This is not to say that I am ready for a lifetime commitment, only that I want to give 100% in my relationships and up till now I have been incapable of doing so for fear of losing my Independence. I understand now that my own independence is created by my own personal approach to life and to my choices. It is the strength to stand up for one's self but the humility to admit to one's faults. It is not simply a constant rebellion--in which case one becomes a slave to one's close-minded logic and lacks the ability to actually feel with an open heart and mind. Regardless of the commitment I choose to make, I want to embody a knowledge of myself that allots me with the tools I need to shape my independence. Such tools are those of perseverance of body and mind, a balance of humility and pride, open-mindedness and forgiveness, integrity (both professional and personal, because in either case, it is a reflection of one's true personality), curiosity for culture and creativity, and an unquenched thirst for adventure and new experiences, be it across the globe or in my own back yard.

"Traveler, There is no path./ The path is made by walking."